Do's: I've been thinking a lot about the best way to get started in pistol shooting and ownership, and I actually think I have a decent idea. If anyone else thinks it's dumb, it's probably dumb, but for someone just learning, I think it would be a decent idea to order MagPul's "Art of the Dynamic Handgun" DVD, and go to WalMart to buy a toy airsoft pistol. I know it's silly, but they cover the basics of safety, gunhandling, marksmanship, pistol choice, etc pretty well in that DVD, and you can follow along with all the drills with an airsoft gun, even if you're just dryfiring it and drawing it out of your front pocket. Another good idea is to google for a website specific to your state that covers local handgun laws. If you need a permit to buy a pistol (like in North Carolina), those websites will help you figure out what you need to do in order to make a purchase. Likewise, they can instruct you about what is or isn't allowed in your area. After you've been through the MagPul DVDs, it's still a good idea to see if there is a class you can take in your area for new gun owners. In a lot of those classes they will have different guns you can shoot to see which one you like the best. Again, inquire on local message boards (if you can find one) for a good place to take such a class. If you have the funds and just want to jump right in, head out to a reputable training academy like Gunsite or Thunder Ranch. There you'll get a big (though expensive) headstart on your shooting career.
Don'ts: Don't just go to a gun store and ask them what you should buy. If you go to four gun stores, you're likely to get four answers, and probably three of them are horribly wrong (one might try to sell you a Taurus Judge, another might try to unload their unsellable stuff on you, and so on). When in your house watching the MagPul DVD, or when at the range with your instructor, don't start off assuming you know anything. It's funny, but virtually everyone has been programmed by all of the action movies they've seen, and if you try to start with that stuff you'll just form bad habits. I mean, how many times have we seen this on TV or in a movie? It's wrong - totally wrong - but it feels right because we've seen it so many times.
Questions to ask: Of your instructor: Do you specialize in beginners? Do you have a variety of guns for me to try? How many people are in a class? Will there be range time? What are your qualifications? Of people next to you at the range: Can you please stop pointing that at me?
Things to look for in an instructor: I think patience and a calm demeanor are the most important things. As a beginner, the last thing you want is someone who is in it for his ego. You should look for a safe, professional environment and probably the smaller the class the better. You might have loads of friends who all claim to be experts with pistols who offer to take you to the range and teach you, but honestly, it's better to get professional instruction your first time out. If your instructor is worth a damn, he'll have you shooting as well or better than your friends after your first day.
A realistic starting budget: Let's see, $40 for the MagPul DVD and $20 for the toy gun. After that, probably $100 or so for the class. When you finally buy a pistol, budget around $700. You might not end up spending all of that for the actual gun, but you can use what's left over for ammo, a small safe, and other acoutrements. I know that sounds like a lot, and there will be people who try to sell you a gun for $300. But those guns, by and large, aren't worth owning. In the end you might end up buying a semi-automatic, a revolver, or if you just want to plink at the range, a .22 caliber. It's hard to know what you want until you get some experience, so take things slowly.
Things to look for in a gun store (including where to buy): Never buy at the first gun store you go to. Prices can vary wildly, and once you find a gun you want you can always look for it online. You might also find varying degrees of service - some gunstore employees have no time for you unless you're willing to listen to their bullshit, and others genuinely care about being helpful. If you find a good place, and their prices aren't too exhorbitant, by all means buy from them and establish a relationship.
I thought about writing a bunch of stuff about 9mm vs. 45, Glock vs. 1911, lights vs. lasers, etc, but ultimately all of that isn't what is important for a true beginner. What is important is getting comfortable and getting good instruction. I hope this helps.
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